the record crackles, i wont die but i dont feel the same. i spend up all of my time hoping to see you again... moonlight is slipping in through the window and onto their bodies. they stay like that for a long time, pefectly still and silent.
"youre crying." she says, after what feels like hours.
"oh," he blinks. he feels a gentle hand wipe away the water from his face and pick the tears out of his eyelashes. he looks up at her with a sad smile, he doesnt say a single word. outside the window the earth turns. it sharpens its claws to a point. it waits and waits. tomrrow will be different. but for now the record spins, and the music plays... they breathe out and in. and i warned you, that id kill you, and i love you, yeah, yeah...
later: she puts a hand on his shoulder and he flinches. everyones touching him, taking little pieces away, pulling him apart at the seams. he doesnt know what to say, to do, so he just stares straight at the floor.
"whats wrong?"
"i dont know." he says.
I AM SO FULL OF ANGER he spells in his mind.
"you have to let me in at some point."
he shakes his head, "letting you in would be like releasing the hounds. you wouldnt like it. like me."
"enough with the metaphors, please. i lov--"
"you dont." his words are like a handful of broken glass he is offering in his palm for her to eat. go on, take a bite.
"you think you do, but you dont."
something behind his ribcage aches, it thrums and it pulses. not his heart or lungs but something else, something different. like a tumor or cyst.
he is outside himself, this he knows, but he isnt exactly sure what himself means anymore. so this self which is maybe his, walks up the stairs, stops by the landing, and stares out of the window up at the sky. he watches the low, low moon and its sad, sad eyes.
"dont look at me like that" says his voice, not in his body.
"you just look so miserable," says the moon, in return. "im sorry."
im yours. im nothing. im delusional. im the worst person i know. tell me what you think about me. im crazy. dont leave me. its not all in my head. im so hungry. dont leave me. im inside you. im sick. im dying. dont leave me. dont leave me...